Did you know that fighting may not be a sign that your marriage is on the rocks, but it’s a good thing? Fighting about the same thing may indicate that you have a healthy marriage, and here’s why:
Humans are constantly replaying old conflicts in their mind, and they tend to recreate them for a number of reasons:
- To improve the outcome of the conflict (if you lost the argument or feel dissatisfied with how it ended)
- To handle that situation better (without anger, losing your temper, etc.)
- Because we are creatures of habit, and the old, familiar argument is easier to handle than new ones
- Because you remember the hurtful or scary things far more than you do the happy, positive ones
Often, when you have the “same old” fight, it’s because you’re re-living painful experiences from your past. That “unfinished business” can cause you to fall into the same arguments.
But that is when you can learn from your habits! Once you recognize that you’re starting the “same old” fight, you can stop, realize what you’re doing, and take steps to change it. If you can do that, you’re going down the RIGHT path–the path that leads to a healthy marriage.
It sucks to have the same old argument time and again, but it’s all about how you face it. If you can change the way you argue, you’ll find it will lead to growth in your relationship. By realizing that you’re falling into old habits, you’re realizing that things need to change. Change is scary, for sure, but it’s also the key to growth. When you can change the way you argue and the things you argue about, you are making changes that will lead to a healthy marriage!